Monthly Archives: December 2010

Story

Long ago, it was this one time that I heard about this story. Today, it cross my mind when I was walking down the road ūüôā

There is this young man(let’s called him as L)¬†who came from a wealthy background. L¬†ran a successful¬†family business,¬†has a parents¬†who were so proud of him and not to forget a delicate life-partner. Everything seems to be perfect for him as he owned¬†things which most of the people pray in their lifetime.¬†Life was wonderful to him until his life-partner left¬†him one¬†day¬†to marry another¬†person.¬†It gave a huge impact to his life that¬†he felt he could never¬†lead a meaningful life again. Since then, he was¬†deeply depressed and chronically ill. His parents and everyone that love him so much try their best to comfort and give moral supports to¬†him. However,¬†he grew to become even sicker day by day.

One day, there was a¬†monk/well-known¬†philosopher¬†(in chinese we recognised the person as ťęėšļļ)¬†passed by his house. His parents invited the monk into their house, hoping that he could give some advises which could enlighten their poor child.

Seeing the lethargic, haggard-looking young man lying on the bed, the monk reach out a mirror from his robe. The young man was told to look into this “Mirror Of The Past” (of course, I could not figure a correct term for this,¬†do excuse me).

In the mirror: There was girl lying on the ground. She is dead. The dead girl was his life-partner.This was then he saw a young man walking pass by the dead girl. The young man took a piece of towel and cover the girl up. He left. There was another young man walking appear beside the dead girl. This time, this second young man took the dead girl up and buried her properly.

The Monk: There’s a reason for every things that took part in our life. The first young man who passed by the dead girl, what he can do is to cover up the girl while what¬†the second young man did was to bury the girl properly. The amazing power where it determine how far the connection, the bond between us human being is what we known as fate. Look carefully into the mirror again my child.

The young man took another look into the mirror. This was then he realised that the first young man was him! And the second young man was the person whom his life-partner were married to. Now, everything started to make sense to him. He finally realised what the monk was trying to convey. From leading himself towards the dead-end, giving up life until now he found the true meaning of fate. The young man soon recover from his sickness and moving on ūüôā

I believe fate play an important role in our life. Many times we like to question ourselves, how could things ended up suddenly while we are trying so hard all these while? I used to question myself- If there were no separation between us,¬†will¬†we turn out to be how we are now? And of course this will always land me to a dead-end. It’s because¬†no matter how hard we try to speculate things and analyse everything, in the end, we are just analyse and speculate, truth remains behind the veil.

I know I am the first young man ūüôā

Life is for living. If the fate is strong, no matter how far we are, we will be connected eventually. This would be last post of 2010 ūüôā

Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backwards, by E.E.Cummings

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New Year Resolution

World is spinning so fast! It was as if yesterday I’ve just shouted Happy New Year 2010 and now I need to change it to Happy New Year 2011.

I suspect I might be having¬†amnesia because I can hardly recalled any incidental findings¬†during this year. Either I’m getting old or I’m just too carefree (its like how we said in chinese śĹáśīí). *choke* Many things took place during 2010. There were good and bad time as well. If I were to rant out all of it, it would take maybe 1 day? Haha

Theres’s this one saying which is quite interesting, “Growing up is optional; Growing old is mandatory. However, to stop from growing old, die would be the alternative.” Well, I guess I don’t mind growing old then ūüėÄ In fact, growing old could imply growing wise with time ūüôā I’m looking forward to the arrival of 2011 because this would mean that its one step closer to achieve my dream.

New year with new resolution! With the arrival of 2011, I got some new resolutions:

1. Other than learning more in my field, still its learn more, learn more and learn more! Should fully utilise my brain

2. More humble pie to be taken

3. Try to be a full vegetarian instead of a pseudo one XD

4. Try to get the clinical electives done

5. Accompany my family more especially my grandma

6. I shall put a closure on you after so long. I always wish you the best in everything 

So far, that’s it! I shall get my engine started! What’s your new year resolution?

Happy New Year 2011!

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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! I spent quite a different, well, slightly different christmas this year. It was the first christmas I spent in hospital and I’m not sick for your information ūüėÄ

Since there’s nothing much to do on christmas day, I choose to attend an extra class/ward round/short case practise at the hospital. Dr. N was quite kind enough to give us an opportunity to learn under his guidance. I had to wake up early in the morning (5am @_@) and drive all the way to Sungai¬†Petani¬†(credit to my mum because she is the one driving). It felt “special” to be in the ward at such an early morning. While waiting for Dr. N to arrive, I’m quite free that I started to observe and compare the paediatric¬†ward to surgery ward. No wonder I felt so “lethargic” and less energetic in surgery ward because the colour of the ward was so dull. Paediatric¬†ward is full of colours and nice drawings in the wall! Eh…We¬†are still a child deep down inside! I had to say Paediatric¬†ward still the best! I miss the posting so much! So the day started off with ward rounds with Dr N and have some short cases done. I still need to polish up my clinical skills and the stamina. I should start to cure my “selective brain-block” every time facing the examiner.

After the hospital teachings, I went for a church activity with my parents and their friends. You might ponder whether I am a Christian. I got this question a lot when I use the word-God. Well, I’m not a Christian. Still, I will attend some activities in the church. I enjoy the environment and the atmosphere¬†in the church. There is no exact word or phrases to describe this particular feeling. It may sound¬†weird or ironical that I put it into this way-¬†I still hold up to my own¬†religion and teachings yet I am attending certain church events. I always believe the ultimate teachings of both religions. Religions are created for us because that’s where we seek for spiritual and mental comforts when the logical explanation from science could not play its part well. It is like a moral teaching as well, where guidance and advice on attitude, aptitude is provided. Hence, for me, I can listen to both teachings because the ultimate message which they convey is good. No harm listen to it right?

A meaningful quote that I heard from the preaching today ” Some people¬†said when prayers are being answered is just¬†a coincidence, but what we can see is coincidence happens every time with prayers” New aspect to think of ūüôā

At the end of the activities and singing, people around start to hug and wishes each other. I got myself quite some hugs and one of them were quite strong that I felt I’m being squeezed. Haha

A wonderful day with family! I love Christmas because it’s when our hearts come together ūüėÄ

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My Ideal Christmas

The setting will be in a four-season-country, well preferably UK. A family gathering is held.¬†A simple gathering and of course its with the closest one and not¬†a big crowd. ¬†There will be a christmas dinner, ¬†homemade recipes¬† ūüôā All of us will gather around the table and dive into the foods, talking and sharing about life, maybe exchanging recipes as well.

Right after the dinner, we will carry on with the conversation in the warm living room. This time, everyone will be serving with desserts ūüôā When it’s almost time to¬† leave, everyone will hug¬†and wish “merry christmas” to each other.

Proceed with cleaning¬†up the kitchen and¬†have myself tidy up.¬†I¬†will sit at the comfy couch near the fireplace, sipping warm teas and looking¬†out of the window. By then, snow will start to fall.¬†Having my eyes feast on the scenery¬†where people from all walks of life walking¬†and¬†rushing back to home for celebration. Of course, it would be warm when enjoying the¬†above with¬†the loves one ūüôā

Christmas is a magical season of the year.¬†This¬†will be¬†the ideal christmas that I always dream of. Pray hard it will¬†come true one day ūüôā

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First Part of Paediatric Posting

First¬†part of pediatric¬†posting ended today. I can’t believe time can move so fast that I hardly even noticed about it. I¬†felt very reluctant to leave the pediatric¬†ward because I really enjoy the process of learning and practising medicine here. I got most of the inspiration and have my passion towards medicine strengthen here. Well, of course I believe¬†each posting has its own colour ūüôā But still I really fond of pediatric.

Not only you can learn more about clinical aspect of medicine at the hospital setting, you learn about life. I had to admit that not a single day I spent in the hospital is without any lesson to be learnt of. Each patient has their own story, their own background. I guess this contribute to the fact that we are able to learn about bitterness in life with the presence of sweets and vice versa.

There is this mother of child A, she is no doubt one of the toughest mother I’ve come¬†across with because she had a child with global developmental delay and DIDMOAD¬†variant DM. Most of the people would have been terrified with such a long medical term on the first occasion, what more having a child with this disease? I can sense strong determination and positivity on her throughout the conversation.¬†She kept positive view on her child¬†and there was no tinge of bitterness in her talking and gestures.¬†She choose to work on a night shift so that she could monitor her son’s blood glucose level and give him the insulin on time. She handle all the things well despite the cruel fact that her husband left her years ago when the child was being diagnosed with this disease. If we are able to adopt half of her courage, I say we consider ourself tough.

“Women can actually do abstract thinking way better than men. No doubt women cry and collapse when they first exposed to challenges. However, women are able to focus back after these breakdown and handle things perfectly because they understand there is someone who is depending on them. On contrary, what most of the men¬†response to challenges and worries by running away from it ”¬† A comprehensive opinion from Dr. T. I felt this is so much true. We should applaud for ourselves.

There are many more cases which I encountered that were very inspiring. At times, I forgot to appreciate how lucky I am to be alive. I complaint about legs sore from standing too long until I saw a boy with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. I complaint about piles and piles of books to be read until I saw a boy with global developmental delay and ADHD.

God always has His own way of reminding us to appreciate  our life. We should appreciate everyday that we have. Remember to smile and be grateful for every morning that you wake up to.

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Appreciate

Pediatric ward is the happiest place in the hospital. However, it can turned out to be a sad place as well. Happy as in the child are smiling innocently towards you and exceptionally cheerful when they are about to go home. Sad as in some of them are suffering from chronic illnesses that could shatter your heart when you saw them lying in bed, looking very ill.

Today, during the ward round,¬†I came across a girl with hydrocephalus. Her head was quite large, which is almost comparable to the size of a football. I can’t describe that kind of feeling when I took a first glance on her. I felt heavy and sad. She was not being responsive to sounds or waving from us. Well, initially I thought she was terrified by quite a number of students standing aside her bed,¬† casting curious glance on her. This was then I found out that I was wrong. She had blurred vision.

The child was just in her 2 years of age. She was lying there, looking very ill, pallor, multiple scars on her head as a results of VP shunt, anterior and posterior fontanelle¬†could be seen clearly.¬†She was detected for macrocephaly during 24th week of gestation. However, there’s nothing much could do. She was born with large head and had to stay in the hospital for one year. The doctors arrived with the diagnosis of congenital hydrocephalus with Dandy-Walker malformation.

The little girl had gone through numerous of surgery in order to drain her excess CSF. The VP shunt’s outcome was not doing¬†well to help her CSF drainage. At time, she was landed with infections of the peritoneum. The VP shunt will have to be removed and another VP shunt¬†had to place at a different site again.¬†It shattered my heart most when I heard about the prognosis of this little¬†girl. She will be having a shorter lifespan.¬†¬†

She is the only child of her parents. A precious darling to her mother as her mother was trying to conceive for the past 14 years. Her mother was doing a great job in taking care of her despite the fact that her little girl will have a shorter lifespan.

This little girl reminded me of how fragile life could be. I guess God always has His own way of reminding us to appreciate who and what we have. We should consider ourselves lucky enough to have normal features and normal life. What more could we demand of?

Appreciate what we have now and then.

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Indescribable

I find it very hard to describe this time. There is no any exact words to  describe how it felt to be in this way. To put it in this way, how do you feel when the plaster that was placed on your hand or wound being ripped off suddenly? This is how I felt.

I¬†find it hard to believe that this incident affected me that much.¬†I¬†always¬†try my best to learn to be emotionally detached. Well, I¬†think¬†I’ve yet to learn it.¬†Will I ever¬†succeed in¬†pulling myself together when facing a crisis?

I choose to handle things in my own way silently most of the time. It would be such a burden to my friends if I were to brag out my worries to them. I guess the only disadvantage of doing so will be losing my mind which I almost ended up tripping myself over. It is so much true that we can’t switch off emotion easily. Thousands of reluctance to admit the incident affect me. But, without the admittance, how will I ever make it through?

Yes, it affected me. It was particularly hard on the very moment this incident took place. To accept that fact, I would have my thoughts denied. The fact that I analyse things in the wrong way. When I was not able to pull myself together this time, the fear for repeating the same mistake in the past, the fear for having the same wound searing in pain again terrified me.

For this whole incident,¬†I’m glad¬†by the fact that I try to deal it on the basis of considering both side, and certainly not¬†for the sake of myself. Well,¬†at least I think I’ve grown up because if¬†it was¬†me in the past, I will not be able to¬†take the other side into consideration.¬† I don’t wish to get¬†both side staying in¬†a difficult situation, or if it had to be in this way, I don’t mind¬†prioritize the other side, to be honest with. ¬†

I hope I handle it well even though you might not understand my intention.  I choose to mask away by taking the first step even if I have to.

Towards the end, the truth will remain with me.¬†Deep down inside, I know I’ve already admitted it. A proper closure.

I always wish you the best¬†and I hope you can make your way through ūüôā

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