I realised a weird pattern of behaviors or I rather said a paradoxical behaviors. As we get older in age, our thoughts get more complicated. Back to the time when we were still a kid, our view may be as simple as 123 or abc. To quote an example, a smile on the face of others.
Children: This person is so friendly :D!
Adult: A sudden smile? Nothing comes without strings attached! What is his/her up to???
Well, not to say a little bit of thinking is not doing any good at time, but sometime too much of thinking will place a lot of burden in your mind that you are unable to be analytical. Thus, appropriate thinking is wise, too much of thinking become suspicious.
Some would say children are so naive, I would rather said they are simple. The beauty of simplicity is what we should learn to appreciate and apply in our daily life. I feel apologetic towards my cerebrum as I placed a hectic, unnecessary task for her everyday.
I heard a meaningful true story yesterday, about a 8-year-old boy who has acquired lower limb malformation which rendered him unable to ambulate himself. He had to rely on his mother to carry him to school everyday! They live in poverty. There were once one of the volunteer asked him what does he want the most? He said, “Please give me horse so I can ride to school everyday and my mother won’t have to carry me around” Such a simple, direct yet soul-touching response. He is not naive in fact. He is a bright child who is portraying the beauty of simplicity. We are once as simple as the boy. Sadly, how many of us still remained the same as how we used to be? I doubt myself in this.
We refuse to open up our mind and speak from the bottom of our heart. I value people who are able to speak truthfully. I am still learning to be simple, to stay away from complicated events and thoughts, to be able to speak up my feeling to the person I care.
I will be able to achieve it! Have faith!
Today marked the third day of my volunteering work in Tzu Chi as a photographer and writer (yeah, apparently now I can be a so-called photographer). This volunteering work took place at a dialysis center in Penang. Everyday, I was assigned to a patient with the aim to elicit and share their stories.
A year spent at hospital definitely take a toll on me. Literally, I undergone metamorphosis, which is from an emotional person towards becoming a numb-hearted person. I used to sob after seeing ill patient at the hospital. Now, it took hours perhaps? or it could be a totally-no-feeling-at-all person. Thus, when I landed myself at the dialysis center, the urge to write each and every story of them gradually weakened because I doubt my ability in eliciting and sharing their stories! Well, luckily I have a guardian of angel! Haha!
Allow me to express my feelings in Chinese words (I’m sorry if some of you might not be able to understand):
聆听肾友细述他们的经历时，常会听到他们曾经自问为何上天偏偏选择了贫穷的人们来受尽病痛的苦难。其实，当时的我也不解所思。然而再仔细聆听了师姑 (guardian of angel XD)的解说后，我渐渐地了解生命的真理。生生灭灭，凡事都是有因与果。种下了什么因，就会得到什么样的果。虽然很无奈地被病痛给盯上，但是换个角度来想，既然已经不能改变事实，为何不尝试改变自己的心态来积极地面对疾病？不应该觉得懊恼而一直转牛角尖，这样最终会困在一个圈圈里头。改变心态是很艰难，可是它不是一件不可能的事。其中一位肾友的乐观深深地打动了我。
Thank You for every experience! 感恩!
I never want to talk about this. However, today, at this moment, I wanted to capture my own thoughts and feelings and put it into words. A rush of adrenaline? Perhaps, it is.
The truth is I am afraid of being alone at time. It is quite ironical as all the while I’ve been trying my best to portray as the opposite. Not most of the time though 😀 Sometime a little bit of time being alone is good for yourself as you can think better. One thing I can be sure of is I am dealing with this feeling way better than how I used to be. I guess this is something that I should be grateful for, aha!
If I tell you I am alright after all its been 2 years long, I might be way too confident about myself. Haha! The scar was healed but sometime it will seer with a little bit of pain undeniably. There is no perfect way of making the scar disappear unless you erase ones memory. Thus, it depends on how we are going to handle the scar in future, whether to cry along with it or to reminisce how far you’ve come from and how strong you have grown into. This part of memory hurts at time because true efforts were being poured once upon a time. Those days with tears and sadness is something that will remind me of how far I’ve come from and it certainly mark the journey of becoming a better, mature person.
Today after the event, as funny as it may sound like, I felt like a 剩女! Well to my surprise, neither that I felt pathetic nor frustrated with this particular thought. I used to get very frustrated and impatient because I fear of being ended up alone in the end. There are even friends who told me not to be so choosy and just get along with the one who is just in front of me. Haha! That’s really not my principle 😀
I used to think that the ending matter the most. For now, I realised that, the process of waiting is something which I should value the most (of course, ending still matters). I am holding on to my faith that one day I will definitely meet the destined-one. This person should be someone who is mature and caring, 细心.
For this very moment, I want to be grateful for the fact that I am no longer rushing and hoping this process of waiting to be hasten up. I want to be grateful for the fact that I understand that this feeling which was once casted by me, hoping that it will work, is no longer the same, for I know from the bottom of my heart that, it’s not something that was meant to be 😀
I’ve been saving this book to read right after my final examination (well eventually I can’t resist my inner urge and finish it just before my practical exam)
I really like Cecelia Adhern. I admire her modern style of fairy tales. Some of us might not even think it is possible for these stories to happen in real life and its hilarious to even give a chance to read it. For some people who do love these stories, its alright! It’s because we don’t get it often in real life, hence we are resorting ourselves to these fairy tales in novels. For me, I am a firm believer of fairy tales (laugh as much as you want but I am not going to change the fact).
Today, I’ve finally finished the whole novel. I am going to say, it’s definitely a worth-reading novel even though at certain point, there are some heart-wrenching moments.
To quote a paragraph in the novel which I found it exceptionally meaningful which I should be kept it in mind always:
“Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful thing, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you for ever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts for ever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after they’re gone”
It is true that to find someone we love and who loves us back is a wonderful thing because who would ever imagine in a sea of million and million of people out there, two people would felt the same way for each other. This is even beyond the calculation of the brilliant mathematician in the world. Don’t you think so? Thus, it’s even luckier if we found a soul mate because soul mate would imply someone who truly know you the most and compliment you the most as well 😀
We might fall out of love for once in our lifetime. Or I should correct it, most of us will fall out of love for once in our lifetime. Some of us will be experiencing love for a short period and fall out of it, and we got upset for getting back into love again. “Sometimes love was cruelly taken away too soon, but it’s what you did with it that counted, not how long it lasted” If we are able to digest this, we will never fall out of love 🙂 Just because it ended too soon, we gave up on embracing the memories that we created once a upon a time.
Life is for living. Life goes on no matter how reluctant you don’t want it to. So let’s try our best to live everyday to the fullest. Whatever lay ahead, just open up your heart and follow where it led you 😀
Shoot for the moon and if you miss you’ll still be among the stars 😀
P.S. I Love You