I never want to talk about this. However, today, at this moment, I wanted to capture my own thoughts and feelings and put it into words. A rush of adrenaline? Perhaps, it is.
The truth is I am afraid of being alone at time. It is quite ironical as all the while I’ve been trying my best to portray as the opposite. Not most of the time though 😀 Sometime a little bit of time being alone is good for yourself as you can think better. One thing I can be sure of is I am dealing with this feeling way better than how I used to be. I guess this is something that I should be grateful for, aha!
If I tell you I am alright after all its been 2 years long, I might be way too confident about myself. Haha! The scar was healed but sometime it will seer with a little bit of pain undeniably. There is no perfect way of making the scar disappear unless you erase ones memory. Thus, it depends on how we are going to handle the scar in future, whether to cry along with it or to reminisce how far you’ve come from and how strong you have grown into. This part of memory hurts at time because true efforts were being poured once upon a time. Those days with tears and sadness is something that will remind me of how far I’ve come from and it certainly mark the journey of becoming a better, mature person.
Today after the event, as funny as it may sound like, I felt like a 剩女! Well to my surprise, neither that I felt pathetic nor frustrated with this particular thought. I used to get very frustrated and impatient because I fear of being ended up alone in the end. There are even friends who told me not to be so choosy and just get along with the one who is just in front of me. Haha! That’s really not my principle 😀
I used to think that the ending matter the most. For now, I realised that, the process of waiting is something which I should value the most (of course, ending still matters). I am holding on to my faith that one day I will definitely meet the destined-one. This person should be someone who is mature and caring, 细心.
For this very moment, I want to be grateful for the fact that I am no longer rushing and hoping this process of waiting to be hasten up. I want to be grateful for the fact that I understand that this feeling which was once casted by me, hoping that it will work, is no longer the same, for I know from the bottom of my heart that, it’s not something that was meant to be 😀