It was like 5 months apart since my last post. I’ve got so lazy to update my blog. Both my third and 4th posting have eaten up a lot of time, well to be honest, I spent most of the time sleeping, that’s how tiring it is. Ya, my life is boring, you might say, but being a houseman, sometimes it just left you no other better options.
Time flies, have I not tell you, I’m at my 4th posting 🙂 I started my housemanship exactly 1 year and 3 months ago. Fuhhhh! Heaving a sigh of relief, 9 more months to go and with God’s grace, I shall be completing the second chapter of the life. Looking around the hospital nowadays, you can see a lot of new faces, the new bunch of first poster. I still remember I was as confused and excited at the same time as they are. I was so anxious and nervous when seniors asked to do venepuncture, branula insertion and taking blood gas. “Please let me get this right! I don’t want to be taken as a stupid first poster!” Every failed branulas insertion, I will be crying out loud deep inside my heart. It will be so embarrassing to ask seniors to help you with this kind of job when they are so busy with their works. My first posting was surgery. I’m lucky enough as they are many senior posters who are so helpful. The first night shift with them can never be so calming.
Being a houseman differs a lot from being a medical student. As a medical student, I missed the time of case presentation, a lot of questions that you were allowed to challenge your professor and vice versa. I missed that palpitations while performing in OSCE and VIVA with my respectable professors. Somehow, being a houseman, you have fewer privileges as compared to a medical student. I need to think twice before asking a question because you might just ended up with a sarcasm. That is just discouraging. Well, there are pros and cons. Good thing is, you will make sure you know everything, bad thing is not everyone taking sarcasm as easy as some others do and in the end, it shunt them away from learning.
I’ve been through some ugly incidents, events that I would like to call as “shitty” event. To be honest, I wasn’t so good in ECG interpretation. Axis deviation, ventricular strain pattern, ectopic beat, that just sounds advance to me initially. I can recalled an embarrass incident whereby my superior asking me to read the ECG. “Are you sure you are a houseman?” I was so disappointed with myself, I had never received such comment. Felt like digging a hole and hide myself up. Since that incident onward, I push myself to learn every bit of ECG that I can.
There are so many ups and downs during my housemanship. The first 5 months was a nightmare to me because of unforeseen circumstances. I thought I would have give up and ask for a transfer. I choose a place where I don’t even like and I brought myself to face with all the shitty events. I was literally writhes with all regrets, anger, fear and frustration. Poof! Times flies and time changes a person. I could still remember what I called as my strong pole in my life, aka my mother used to tell me, “time is the great healer, always. If you can’t pull yourself through, no one can help you with it” Devastation changed me, situation changed me, and my mom changed me 🙂 If you ask me, do you regret choosing this place? The answer is no. Well, I guess every cloud has a silver lining. There might be a lot of obstacles and not to be mentioned sacrifices in the beginning of it, but towards the end, I’ve become a stronger person, ADL independent, haha! I spent 21 years of my life living in glass house, shower with love by my family members without learning to face difficulties.
I’m not saying I won’t made a mistake right now, but I promise I will try to avoid it. Whatever happen in the past, it is always deeply seated in my memories, at times I might still break down but it’s not as bad as how it was. It just remind me to move on, with grace.
I’m not sure whether I can made it to my goals, but for sure I will work hard for it. Here to the future, and to the future you 🙂