This time around, I do not have any short stories to share, but this post is going to be rather emotional. I find it very hard for one not to be judgemental. We always start to think from our own perspective. I am one of that kind, although I’m not proud of it, yes, I’m still practicing it, irony.  Yesterday, I passed by bed 28 in male ward. It felt so weird because the middle age gentleman who was admitted there for months is no longer in it. He had gone towards a better place. This gentleman is in his terminal stage of illness. Nostalgic, because all you can see is a transition of alive person walking towards his end of life. I can still recalled he walks in for his elective surgery, I was setting up the intravenous cananulla for him, all he talked about was his glorious day. He asked, what do you think about my surgery? It’s going to be a successful one isn’t it? Well, I’m skeptical about it but I remained silence, all I could afford to give is reassurance. I apologize because I will not mentioned much in details regarding his illness and his operation. So this gentleman underwent his surgery and unfortunately he had to deal with the complications. Amazingly, he pull it through but he lost one of his lower limb. Days in intensive care unit, finally he was back to ward. Well, life is not a bed of roses for him. And again, he had to face with wound breakdowns and bouts of infection. All I could see is another Kübler Ross grief cycle right in front of my eyes. Not everyone can handle the devastation of losing a limb well, especially for a male chauvinist like him. I had to say, he has strong determination to live because he never call for a suicide, never heave any sigh of sadness. We can only paid him a few visits, trying our best to cheer him up. It was until one week ago, he was literally drowning with the fast accumulation of fluids in lung due to his cancer. The last I went to see him, he was already frail and fragile, a shell without a soul. Subsequently, he passed away few days later at home.  That few months of his life, it was all in misery. We thought the surgery would buy him some time, a better quality of life and yet it was proven not. I was frustrated, it reminded me of the lady I saw during my gyne oncology posting, purely heart wrenching. Has he not decided for the surgery in such a strong determination, he will not put himself in such misery, but then again, I know he won’t give up if there’s any chance of buying him some time. Sometimes what we think is good for a person might not turn out to be one. Because we are all judgemental. This episode might cause an enormous sufferings to him but it did brought him closer to his family.  We always take things for granted. We thought we have so little that we forgot what we have is too much to be remembered and appreciate. We thought things that we have will always be there, ought to be there, the truth is nothing last forever. We will not appreciate until we lost it. It’s the ugly side of human nature.  May he rest in peace, may he found himself in a land with no sorrows but only happiness.


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